The Path to Mastery: Why Embarrassment Is the Entry Fee
I came across the following quote a few months ago and it stopped me in my tracks. It perfectly captures what the path to mastery really looks like:
“Embarrassment is the cost of entry. If you aren’t willing to look like a foolish beginner, you’ll never become a graceful master.”
I wholeheartedly agree with this and what I love so much about this quote is the link it makes between feeling like a foolish beginner and achieving a level of mastery. It got me thinking about what I have achieved over the last decade of running my own business and where I started the journey.
I still remember the excruciating fear of my first coaching session, my first group call, hitting publish on my first blog post and the first time I reached out to a stranger on the internet. Now I can tap back into the feelings of anxiety and self-doubt like it was yesterday.
I’ve been surprised numerous times over the years by just how terrifying being in business can feel at times but thankfully, I haven’t let it deter me from moving forward. I now find myself comfortably on the other side of many of those initial fears. Reading the quote above brought into sharp focus the link between facing those initial fears and the path to mastery at what we do.
The Myth of Mastery
Mastery is so often grossly misunderstood. More often than not, we look at someone who has achieved a level of mastery in a skill or profession and incorrectly assume that they’ve always been accomplished in this area. We assume they must possess some innate brilliance that we simply don’t.
That’s how I used to feel anyway.
And then someone told me what a gifted group facilitator they thought I was, which immediately transported me back to my very first group call. A Women’s Circle I decided to host, right at the beginning of my entrepreneurial journey. I was absolutely terrified, consumed with fear of failure and concerns over what the women on the call would think about me, but somehow, with a wobbly voice and shaking hands, I managed to pull it off.
I have no idea how I came across on that very first call — I’m certain my nerves showed — and I’m pretty sure that nobody would have referred to me as a gifted facilitator. More like a rabbit in the headlights.
Since that point I’ve hosted hundreds of live group calls. I’ve stumbled my way through tricky group dynamics, had more than a few difficult conversations with individual group members about their impact on the group and received a ton of feedback on my group facilitation skills that has helped me to improve and feel more confident. But it hasn’t been a straight line.
The Messy Middle
A while ago, I was feeling called to pull the plug on my yearlong group mastermind. I had stopped enjoying it and was feeling the call to do something else. So I sought out a coach to help me figure things out and as I talked about the group program, he said the following: “Sounds to me like you’re coming up against the edges of your leadership skills.” He went on to say that the problem wasn’t likely the program itself but my need to level up my skills at leading it.
It really hit home. I took what he had said to heart and I worked hard to improve my facilitation skills, not shying away when a situation required me to step up as the leader, no matter how uncomfortable I felt.
Since then my group program has only grown and I love it more than I ever have. Plus I feel confident about my skills and my ability to face any situation that might arise. Getting to this place with group facilitation has taken over a decade. It wasn’t something I was naturally gifted at nor particularly skilled at but it is something I’ve persevered with and managed to clock up hundreds of hours of practice at.
It would have been so easy for me not to push myself at working with groups. To let one bad experience derail my self-belief. The hard work has been pushing through that discomfort. I firmly believe that mastery is a relationship with discomfort, repetition, and showing up even when it’s messy.
What the Path to Mastery Looks Like
For me the journey to mastery goes through 4 stages:
1. The initial attempt. This is often the hardest thing to do. It’s the first time you’re trying something new. Perhaps it’s your first launch, your first video, your first group call. Whatever it is, it’s not something you’ve been able to practice and perfect so the vulnerability stakes are high. If we can get past our fear of looking foolish, this first milestone is huge.
2. Repeated practice. This is where we take that first attempt and we keep going. I’ve heard from so many business owners when discussing business strategies the following words: “I tried to do that and it didn’t work” which they present as justification for not trying again. Many of my first attempts at things have felt like failures (as a perfectionist that’s pretty much a given) but over time and with practice I’ve turned those initial “failures” into successes. You can only do that with repeated practice.
3. The messy middle. Sometimes when we’ve been practicing for a while, things come up that test our abilities, much like what happened with my group mastermind. I could feel comfortable and okay as long as I didn’t have to deal with anything too tricky. When things got challenging, the desire to bail got strong but leaning into my discomfort at these times is what has kept me on the path.
4. A level of mastery. This is where you’ve gone through the 3 stages and survived to tell the tale. People look at you and consider you gifted or skilled (and probably underestimating all the effort you’ve put in over the years). This is where the phrase “you make it look easy” comes into play. Not because it is easy but because you’ve done the work to make it look easy.
Every stage has its unique challenges. Your only goal, if mastery is what you are seeking, is to stay the course and keep showing up.
Why It’s Particularly Difficult for Business Owners
What makes the path to mastery so difficult for us is the fact that we are making the journey publicly. It’s not like learning to play the guitar, where you can go through the stages of mastery behind closed doors, in the comfort of your own bedroom.
For us, more often than not, the path to mastery requires us to face our fears and lean into vulnerability in front of an audience filled with prospective clients, peers and possibly mentors. And that is not easy.
It’s probably no secret by now that being an entrepreneur requires courage and determination. Not, as we often think, skills or confidence. They come later with time. The courage to take the first step and the determination to keep showing up? That’s what’s needed.
And now a question for you to contemplate:
Where are you holding back in business because you’re afraid of looking foolish?
And once you’ve identified that,
What first step would you be willing to take in the next week or two?
Unfortunately, it’s not possible to skip being a beginner. But rather than see that as a flaw, what if we viewed it as a rite of passage on the journey to mastery?
And when you are worried what people might think, remember most people are too busy worrying about not looking foolish themselves to really pay any attention to what you are doing.
If this post has inspired you to make a first step, let me know in the comments. I’d love to hear from you.
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